Thursday, July 27, 2006

Leaving all the crap behind.

Yeah, so I consider my self a pretty laid back dude. Somebody doesn't like me, their loss. Life takes an unexpected turn, no big deal. I borrowed a philosopy I read about from a natural bodybuilder ( he was natural and got up to 300 lbs and lean before self-admittedly starting steroids, then he died ).
It is called the Winnie-the-Pooh philisophy, just never get rattled. There are some BIG reasons that this is good. ANY negative emotions or stress will dump large amounts of cortisol in our systems, wich in the long run can illness, may be linked to cancer and carves out muscle tissue like mad. Basically we are in control of our own state of mind and our hormonal system doesn't distinguish the stress caused by injury or the fight or flight response as any different than that of an argument with a relative.
So anyway we move u to the pines and I am expecting to feel this great relief, wich I did. but i had this strange disconnected feeling that haunted me, and it was not change. I thrive on change, I miss it, I need it.
As I was taking Barb home from work i figured it out, I was not used to the calm in my head, I didn't constatly have to do do self- checks to calm down and focus my energy in a positive manner. This left a lot of CPU space open for other things, and it felt weird to be me for a while ( well weirder than usuall ).
I love Barb for giving me a family, I love Barb for loving me, I love her for opening her house to me when she said she would never let another guy in there again.
I love her independance. I love the fact that she managed to keep the house in a divorce so she could give it to her kids.
But I HATED the area, dirty, nasty, crack-filled, hookerville. I am sure I sound pretentious because there are places in Phoenix that are WAY worse, in fact a mile east of where we lived it started getting very nice. But none-the-less I didn't like living there, and when that spiritual challange was removed it really took a week or so to adjust.
I took the kids swimming yesterday and laughed, really laughed, for the first time since we have been here. Man was this move good for us in so many ways...........

4 Comments:

Blogger Red said...

I am sooooooo glad you moved. Better for all of you. Just think of how different it's going to be for you and the kids with not as much taken up in being stressed. Mentally healthy. Enjoy the fresh air and sunshine. Getting better starts from the inside out. Glad to hear things are going well.
:)

3:28 PM  
Blogger Trailady said...

Royce, so glad to hear this good news!! I remember many years ago, just for a short time, there was a little calm in my life. How I wish I could have some now... maybe it will come. My workouts really help with the stress though. I feel like I could conquer the world when I leave the gym. :o)
Good for you!! Keep us posted.

5:01 PM  
Blogger Royce said...

Nikki, yeah, the kids really benifit from a happy Roycie.
It's nice to look at them and just smile and play with them.

Trailady, I used to call the gym my sanctuary. When I got there, inside the building, it sheilded me from any outside stress external or internal.
I have heard lifters call it church, iron zen, the zone, and so forth. I'll send some positive, calming thoughts your way.

9:06 AM  
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12:41 PM  

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