Barb says I'm missing the filter between my brain and my mouth.
I say that it's not true cause 95% of what I think I don't say. This scares her a little :-)
However after today I am inclined to believe her. This is a little embarassing to me, but hell it's funny too and if somebody can get a laugh then cool.
I was at Starbucks, I ordered a coffee with Orgeat flavoring. The barrista says " Not many people order that flavor."
My filter was offline at the moment and I respond almost by instinct. " Well I like it because it sounds like orgasm." Yup, that's what I said right in public. So of course I'm thinking it's going to be awkward untill I get my coffee and leave.
An older black lady behind me says "Put some of that in my coffee too, I haven't had one of those since 1986."
My curiosoty just overrides my filter and self-emarassement.
So I turn around and say "That's terrible! Why so long."
her: "Well my husband died in 1986 and I'm to old to get anther one."
me: "Well what about a battery opperated boyfriend."
her: "Oh honey, my husband was huge and all those things are too little for me."
me: "Have you ever went shoping for one? They come in all shapes and sizes from really tiny to big enough to scare a horse."
her: "Really?"
me: "Yup you should totally go to the castle on 44th and Mcdowell it about 2 miles directly south of here."
At this time I look up and see 3 SNOBBY women standing in line behind my new friend they were very very red. These are the kind of women that stop at the Target Starbucks where we are at so they don't have to tip the barristas. They walk in buy the coffee and walk out being arrogant and usually RUDE the whole time. I don't totally regret making them uncomfortable, but then I see the 2 barristas behind the counter they are kinda red and shifty too.
My filter slowly starts coming back online.
I say "Oops I think we are making averyone very uncomfortable, but you should totally check that place out."
She responds loudly "Why is everyone embarassed? It's just sex!"
my filter dies again respond "AMEN sister, that's exactly how I feel." "The world would be such a better place if people were as uncomfortable with violence as they were with sex and were as comfortable with sex as they were with violence."
We chatted for a few seconds longer went our seperate ways.
By the time I got to the car I was laughing pretty hard at the craziness of the conversation. I recounted the events to Barb.
She said "I love you, but I'm glad I was in the car."
However after today I am inclined to believe her. This is a little embarassing to me, but hell it's funny too and if somebody can get a laugh then cool.
I was at Starbucks, I ordered a coffee with Orgeat flavoring. The barrista says " Not many people order that flavor."
My filter was offline at the moment and I respond almost by instinct. " Well I like it because it sounds like orgasm." Yup, that's what I said right in public. So of course I'm thinking it's going to be awkward untill I get my coffee and leave.
An older black lady behind me says "Put some of that in my coffee too, I haven't had one of those since 1986."
My curiosoty just overrides my filter and self-emarassement.
So I turn around and say "That's terrible! Why so long."
her: "Well my husband died in 1986 and I'm to old to get anther one."
me: "Well what about a battery opperated boyfriend."
her: "Oh honey, my husband was huge and all those things are too little for me."
me: "Have you ever went shoping for one? They come in all shapes and sizes from really tiny to big enough to scare a horse."
her: "Really?"
me: "Yup you should totally go to the castle on 44th and Mcdowell it about 2 miles directly south of here."
At this time I look up and see 3 SNOBBY women standing in line behind my new friend they were very very red. These are the kind of women that stop at the Target Starbucks where we are at so they don't have to tip the barristas. They walk in buy the coffee and walk out being arrogant and usually RUDE the whole time. I don't totally regret making them uncomfortable, but then I see the 2 barristas behind the counter they are kinda red and shifty too.
My filter slowly starts coming back online.
I say "Oops I think we are making averyone very uncomfortable, but you should totally check that place out."
She responds loudly "Why is everyone embarassed? It's just sex!"
my filter dies again respond "AMEN sister, that's exactly how I feel." "The world would be such a better place if people were as uncomfortable with violence as they were with sex and were as comfortable with sex as they were with violence."
We chatted for a few seconds longer went our seperate ways.
By the time I got to the car I was laughing pretty hard at the craziness of the conversation. I recounted the events to Barb.
She said "I love you, but I'm glad I was in the car."
posted by Royce at 12:06 PM
5 Comments:
LMAO! That's hilarious.
That's fucking hysterical. WTF is Orgeat?
ROTFLMAO!!! "Oh honey my husband was huge and those things are too small,lol!!"
I would have loved to hear that conversation live! too funny
Aaron it was.
Christine it's italian for almond.
Rif, it was crazy funny!!
Man!! You got talent (to change the world).
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